Peaceful Passing

We are all trying to live well and enjoy our lives so we get something out of this world and the crazy trip we are on here, so we have some good stories to tell and things to look back on. We have this life – so how do we want it to unfold and, more particularly, how do we want it to end? With memories of what we could have done but didn’t, of a life led by limits that were applied to us (or which we applied to ourselves), things not said, things we didn’t dare attempt or do? Or do we want to be able to look back on fun, adventure and opportunities taken so we have the stories of a hero to tell our grandchildren as we watch their eyes grow wide with wonder and their souls fill up with adventure and freedom too? These are questions that have deeply concerned our shamans and wise men. What is life and how should it be lived? No matter how bad it may sometimes seem or how tired and unhappy we sometimes get, how can we preserve our energies and fully engage with life so we remember what a precious gift it is and the opportunities it gives us to evolve and grow?

All human life is likened to evening dew and morning frost, considered something quite fragile and ephemeral...

 One who is supposed to be a warrior considers it his foremost concern to keep death in mind at all times, every day and every night, from the morning of New Year's Day through the night of New Year's Eve...

Yuzan Daidoji

 We are all trying to live well and enjoy our lives so we get something out of this world and the crazy trip we are on here, so we have some good stories to tell and things to look back on. We have this life – so how do we want it to unfold and, more particularly, how do we want it to end? With memories of what we could have done but didn’t, of a life led by limits that were applied to us (or which we applied to ourselves), things not said, things we didn’t dare attempt or do? Or do we want to be able to look back on fun, adventure and opportunities taken so we have the stories of a hero to tell our grandchildren as we watch their eyes grow wide with wonder and their souls fill up with adventure and freedom too?

These are questions that have deeply concerned our shamans and wise men. What is life and how should it be lived? No matter how bad it may sometimes seem or how tired and unhappy we sometimes get, how can we preserve our energies and fully engage with life so we remember what a precious gift it is and the opportunities it gives us to evolve and grow?

The answer, for many shamans, has been that to live consciously and fully, making the most of all that life presents, we must also remain calmly aware of our deaths, for this enduring presence is the real incentive for us to love what we have.

 

Keeping perspective

Knowing we will die one day puts our lives and problems into perspective. When we know that death is near, the frantic struggle to compete and achieve seems more than futile; it seems comically ludicrous. Did we really believe that ‘success’ was more important than love? That we could take it all with us? That there was a point to our conflicts and disagreements beyond a simple waste of our precious time?

The practice of reminding themselves of their own mortality is known to shamans as Retaining Death as an Advisor. To the shamans of Japan, for example, the awareness of death was one of the precepts of the Ni Ten Ichi Ryu: The Way of Warrior Strategy; awareness of death being the very thing that gives rise to more life.

When we fail to keep death in mind, they said, we also become inattentive to life; we stop questioning the world and exploring ourselves and it. Then we fall prey to fatigue, cut off from part of our existence and stopped within the flow of time. We can always put things off, that is, or disengage from living and decide to make a change for the better tomorrow if we fool ourselves that we will always have a tomorrow. When we believe we live forever we do not really live at all because we don’t challenge life or allow it to challenge us.

With death as our advisor, however, we re-engage with the magic and immediacy of life. “The Way of the warrior is death”, the great Japanese swordsman Miyamoto Musashi wrote. “[Living this way] means to see things through, being resolved… To die with your intention unrealised is to die uselessly. [If, however] you consider yourself already a dead body, thus becoming one with the Way of the warrior, you can pass through life with no possibility of failure”.

With advice like this in mind, in some Buddhist traditions there is therefore even a practice of moving meditation where the warrior-monk walks in graveyards among decaying corpses precisely so that he can reflect upon his ability to experience such things – because he is alive. He remains calm in the presence of death, knowing that it is not something to be feared, it is simply what is; something inevitable to be prepared for and a teacher to be listened to. It must inform but not concern him, because it is only by relaxing into life that he can experience its beauty and make the most of its gifts.

One of the easiest ways to work with death as an advisor is therefore simply to pause, just momentarily, before taking any important decision or action and imagine you have already died and are living your life for the second time, about to make the same decision again. If that were the case, would you still make it or act in a different way?

This discipline is also a reminder that every action has consequences, some wide-ranging and long-lasting even though they seem trivial now. A few moments of reflection can save a vast amount of energy later when unconscious decisions lead to problems that will need to be resolved and eat into your reserves and resources, those powers which you could otherwise apply to living a fuller and happier life.

As the Peruvian healer don Eduardo Calderon expressed it: “A shaman is someone who considers himself already dead and thus has no fear of death - or of life”.

 

The shaman as conductor of souls

The shaman regards life and death as part of a continuum so we do not cease to be at the moment of our deaths. Instead we are transmuted and transformed, taking a new shape and form of consciousness. The shaman’s involvement with death as an advisor does not end as life does, then, but continues even beyond it.

One of the most important tasks for shamans in traditional societies, for example, is to assist the spirits of those who have died to make their transition into the domain of transformed consciousness. This body of practices is called psychopompery, from the Greek word psychopompos which means ‘conductor of souls’. In effect the shaman becomes a midwife to the dead, helping to guide and usher the soul into its afterlife.

There are many cosmographies or maps of where souls go when they die, each dependent on the culture and society they originated in but in most of them the shaman navigates a cosmos which he experiences as three great realms revolving around a central axis, known as the World Tree or axis mundi. These realms are the Upper, Lower and Middle Worlds.

The Upper World is the realm of our ancestors, religious or spiritual leaders, gods and spirit guides. The Middle World is the spiritual or energetic parallel to the physical world we are used to. And the Lower World is where the spiritual powers of the natural world - the plants, animals and elements - reside. The shaman knows from his experience of traversing these worlds that the souls of those who die first make their way to the Middle World – a sort of ‘holding station’ where the dead person can evaluate his life on Earth and adjust to his new status as a person deceased. When this is done he can then move on into the great process of rebirth-life-death-rebirth by transiting to the Upper or Lower World. (The destination – Upper or Lower – has nothing to do with Christianised beliefs about right and wrong, sin and punishment or Heaven and Hell, by the way, but is simply a reflection of the different belief systems of different cultures.)

People who have died suddenly, however, or in a confused, unhappy or drugged state; those who lack power or were murdered or killed violently in wars and other conflicts often lose themselves in the Middle World and are unable to make their transition. They may not even know they are dead or have an awareness of where or who they are. The job of the shaman then is to help these souls to remember and then to continue on their journeys. To do so the shaman must embark on a spirit journey of his own to find the person who had died and to conduct any healing or counselling necessary so that the soul can find peace and then accompany the shaman through the gateway to the otherworld.

During encounters like these with the lost souls of the dead the shaman has also come to realise that one of the greatest factors preventing a soul from moving on into the afterlife is its awareness of a life unlived and its continued attachment, therefore, to the world it has left.

Those who have died leaving unfinished business, for example, or those who died suddenly without saying their proper goodbyes and I love you’s, or who gave up their power to addictions and yearnings are those most likely to suffer because they cling to life unwilling to let it go until they can find peace, resolution or forgiveness towards the things that they now regret. Until this happens (and without the shaman’s intervention it may never happen) the dead remain trapped between worlds. As the religious mystic Meister Eckhart said: “The Kingdom of God is for none but the thoroughly dead“. Those who are only half dead may never find peace.

Once again, the message is clear: We must live the lives we have now thoroughly and as a Total Act so that when we die we can do knowing that we have truly lived. We can then let life go and move on to new glories without sadness or regret. Keeping death as our advisor makes our lives and our deaths more complete.

 

More information

Ross Heaven is a shamanic healer and workshop leader and the author of more than 10 books on healing and spirituality. His latest, The Sin Eater’s Last Confessions (Llewellyn 2008), has more on the shamanic view of death and how to live a fuller and happier life. For details of Ross’ workshops and other events visit www.thefourgates.com.

A Green Death

For those of us who like to tread lightly on the Earth in life there are several options for continuing this philosophy into death. The Green Funeral Company offers burials and services that see the environment as an important issue too. While no less sensitive and moving, these ceremonies are marked by the care given to how we lay our dead to rest.

As well as traditional religious burials in a churchyard or cemetery, The Green Funeral Company can arrange for a woodland burial. Woodland burials are increasingly popular and they have strong connections with the growing number of sites in the Cornwall and Devon.

They offer an ecological alternative to traditional burials and are less expensive. The land is managed with the environment in mind and the land is reverted back to woodland or meadows. Instead of a traditional headstone, a tree is planted with a plaque and environmentally friendly coffins made from materials such as bamboo, wicker or cardboard are used. The body is not embalmed with harmful chemicals.

They can also arrange for burials on private land if you already have a family plot on your own grounds.

Visit www.thegreenfuneralcompany.co.uk for more information.

Living Fully, Dying Well 

by Edward W. Bastian and Tina L. Staley

4 stars

Who wants to read a book about death and dying? Given the choice, not me. But this book left me with the understanding that it is our very fear of dying that inhibits our ability to breathe in the full beauty of life.

Edward W. Bastian wrote this book after a number of close shaves with death left him questioning his attitudes. Drawing together spiritual, religious and professional sages, our fears around death and dying, theories on the afterlife, and the possibility of a ‘good’ death are all discussed. The book also provides practical advice on how to prepare for the dying process. There are some profoundly moving meditations as well as exercises to help bring a sense of completion to one’s personal history.

At times this is an uncomfortable read, but I challenge you not to turn away, and let any fear of death you have, become a death of that fear. Anne Moxom

BOXOUT ENDS

 

 

Magical memories

 

Mark Townsend is no ordinary priest. Ordained into the Church of England, he is also a stage magician, a popular author and a clergyman who believes that faith should be inclusive and tolerant rather than elitist and dismissive. He incorporates many other belief systems into his inclusive, compassionate services and even wears a special Interfaith stole as part of his robes when conducting ceremonies. While this may occasionally get him in hot water with more traditional hierarchies, his flock are, well, flocking to him.

As well as conducting happy ceremonies like weddings, he is tasked with bringing comfort to the bereaved though thoughtful funerals. Below is an account of one woman’s experience.

 

Maria’s story: When my husband Cliff, died in May 2007 I very much wanted a church service for him, as the Church of England had always been held in high regard by us both. Throughout my life the Church has always been a place of sanctity, peace and healing for me. I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, so I rang the Priory vicarage and asked if I could speak to the Vicar. Mark returned my call and came out to visit me. It was a pure delight and relief to meet him. He showed such compassion and understanding, giving me totally unwavering support amidst my grief. He had many of the attributes that I had come to expect from a member of the clergy but there were other special qualities that he showed, qualities that can’t be taught or learnt....and one of those was the quality of wanting me to feel that the church had given their love and blessing to whichever way I felt was best to honour my late husband. During our conversation, Mark suggested that I might like to include some pieces within the service that would “bring to life” the man that Cliff had been and to enable all who attended the funeral service to feel close to him. I didn’t know if I could include special items within the traditional funeral service that I felt would have honoured the man that Cliff had been throughout his life, or to symbolise the love and togetherness that we had shared. Mark assured me that whatever I wanted could be included. The funeral service that Mark conducted for my late husband offered immense comfort and support to me, allowing me to do certain things - like blow bubbles to the heavens during the prayers (something that Cliff and I used to do, having had them blown at our marriage ceremony too). Mark also took a basket full of artistic and sacred items from our home that included crystals, spiritual symbols, candles, angels and Native American images. He decorated the entire altar area with them and played Native American drumming music as the coffin was brought into the church. This brought Cliff's and my world directly into the heart of the sacred space within the church which was so very important. Without these touches and gestures I feel that it would have left quite a void within the service. I was also allowed to read a prayer and poem that I had written for Cliff. His stepson and friends also had the opportunity to read poems and prayers that had been collected from around the world. It softened the grief somehow and enabled me to feel God's all encompassing love and to feel that I had honoured Cliff in one of God's most Holy places. There could have been no greater comfort to myself, a grieving widow, than to be allowed to have had the extra touches added to the funeral service for my beloved husband, within the parameters of the Church of England, especially when I was supported, comforted and understood by a vicar such as Mark. When I look back at the service and the wonderful way with which Mark conducted it for Cliff, I know that it was the start of my healing from the severe pain and loss of my husband. For me, I am utterly sure that Jesus would have been very proud to have had Mark alongside Him. For Jesus showed only love, compassion and understanding, just as Mark did to me and there can be no greater mark of respect that I could give Mark.

 

Mark’s latest book The Path of the Blue Raven (O Books, £XX) is out in November. Visit www.magicofsoul.com to find out more about Mark’s work.

 

 

 

Grieving game

A few years after the death of her mother and her own difficulties coping with this loss, Daisy Luiten, being a newly qualified art therapist at that time, met lots of people who had also had someone dear to them die. Out of these meetings, listening to the stories of people in mourning, she conceived the idea of helping people find a new way of living after the death of a loved one. That's why Daisy developed the therapeutic tool All the Stars Above. Only two years after her first handmade edition, this tool was produced and released in Dutch, adapted for professional use and tested by therapists and counsellors. All the Stars Above meets the desire of the next of kin to discuss the loss of their loved one. During the development of All the Stars Above Daisy talked with adolescents and adults, and also with a variety of therapists specialising in bereavement counselling. Petra Penning (a clinical child psychologist with an expertise in dealing with grief and loss suffered by children, adolescents and adults) suggested the idea of the aim of the therapeutic tool. In her work with families, she experienced a great need for people to connect with each other after a loss. This connection can now be facilitated by participating in All the Stars Above. In the mean time All the Stars Above is a well known therapeutic tool. The game has won two awards and has been successfully received by therapists and counsellors. In the Netherlands and Belgium the first edition sold out in no time. With the dear wish to help more grieving people all over the world, we are happy to announce that an English-language edition of this therapeutic tool is being released at the same time as a second edition in Dutch.

Art therapy Art therapy distinguishes itself from other forms of counselling by allowing clients to express themselves using art, in the form of drawing, painting or sculpture. The main focus in art therapy is the process of creation rather than the final product. Clients are encouraged to use their own imagination and artistic expression to explore feelings, ideas and issues evoked by the art-making process. The therapeutic tool ‘All the Stars Above’, can be seen as the creative vehicle. Art expression during the game is optional. Coping with a loss When a loved one dies It is very painful when a loved one dies. The world of the next of kin is turned upside down completely. There will be grief, confusion and, perhaps, anger. These feelings won't disappear by themselves and strength, courage and lots of hard work are required to learn to cope with the loss. Every individual has their own way of coping and does this at their own rate. Communication about loss Adults are often more able to verbalise their feelings than children and adolescents after a loss. This does not mean that the feelings of grief and mourning for children and adolescents are less intense. In fact the opposite is true. From the moment someone is able to love another person, they are also able to miss them. Children and adolescents do not always use words to express themselves. More often, they do this in other ways such as playing and drawing. All the Stars Above makes it easier for young people as well as adults to communicate about the loss. It opens opportunities to talk and also encourages other means of communication such as drawing. All the Stars Above is a therapeutic tool in the appearance of a board game. It is recommended to play this therapeutic board game in the presence of a therapist, as intense feelings may surface that require assistance to deal with. Supervision will provide this support for those involved. Tasks during mourning J.W. Worden distinguishes four tasks of mourning: 1 Accepting the reality of the loss 2 Experiencing the pain or emotional aspects of the loss 3 Adjusting to an environment in which the deceased is missing 4 Relocating the person within one’s life and finding ways to memorialise the person. (Worden, 2001) If these tasks are not pursued, further personal growth and development can be obstructed. By using All the Stars Above you invite participants to work on these tasks in an active way. All the Stars Above emphasizes the reality of the loss by talking about the dying process and the funeral. The pain and emotional aspects of the loss are dealt with in the game's category ‘Feelings'. In general, the way the questions are formulated will also directly appeal to emotions. Therapeutic tool in the appearance of a board game During the development of the therapeutic tool it was important to consider what a communication-promoting board game should look like. The aim is to communicate with each other and this target can only be achieved by mutual co-operation. Aspects of the therapeutic tool designed to facilitate communication: - it is non-competitive, because being opponents does not invite co-operation. - it offers a safe and comfortable environment in which the participants are given time and space to tell their story. - there is the opportunity for the players to react to each other. - it is interesting and offers variety, thereby keeping the participants' attention.

 

by Ross Heaven
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